Brian's Long Journey to Jimmy John's.

First there was Amerigo Vespucci, then Lewis & Clark, and finally 20th century contemporaries such as Amelia Earhart, Tenzing Norgay, and Neil Armstrong. But as far as I know, none of them have embarked on the adventure I undertook this afternoon. We touched down in Redmond, Oregon before noon and would not depart until the following morning. The winds were gusting up to 30mph, so the 40 degree temps seemed a bit colder. Nevertheless, I needed to get lunch. First off, the only thing close to the hotel is an Applebee's, which always seems to be the beginning of a story that ends in, "...and then I had to get pulled from the trip for uncontrollable diarrhea."

As I got settled, I debated what to do. Here I was, with probably 10 hours to kill and nothing nearby to eat. The next closest places with food were a KFC, a Carl's Jr., and a McDonald's. I plugged them into Google Maps which said they were about 1.5 miles away. It was doable, even with the wind gusts. I've been in worse . . . and I'm looking at you Idaho Falls. As I set out on my journey, I had the spirit of the explorers in me, or perhaps more likely the guilt of eating more fast food. For just that morning, I had eaten a breakfast that consisted of a "Jumbo Poppyseed Muffin" and a "Big Cinnamon Roll" from the DinoMart next to the hotel. It's difficult to find quick food with any health benefits. Suddenly McDonalds became too much. If I doubled my distance, I could get to a Jimmy John's. At least on paper, it seemed a lot healthier, so I sallied forth with the wind at my sails and a great hunger in my gut.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Gosh that Brian is exaggerating his adventures these days. First he couldn't hack it in North Dakota and now we're hearing about a trip to Jimmy John's like it's a trek to the South Pole." Ah, but you haven't heard of the obstacles I faced! You see, Redmond is a town that has only begun to discover these newfangled things called sidewalks. Most of the journey, I had to walk on loose gravel and dirt. The distracted Oregonian drivers tended to drift onto the shoulder as they checked their cellphones for their latest Tindr matches or attempted to improve their score in Farmville. I gave them the stink eye as they dared not make eye contact with the person they nearly ran over. Then, to make matters worse I kept hearing sirens whizz around me. They fanned out in different directions as an Armored car trudged through fields next to me. Basically they were surrounding the area I was walking through, yet paid me no mind. Eventually a Sheriff with an M-4 slung over his shoulder inquired where I was off to. I pointed forward.

The officer nodded. He knew I was on an important mission. A few blocks later, I had arrived at my destination. There it stood -- majestically between a drive-thru Starbucks and a Mattress store. I walked in with an air of confidence. "#5 and a small drink, please." I ate my Vito sandwich with much celebration before getting up five minutes later and retracing my steps back to the Comfort Suites. When I finally got back, it was just about time to debate what the hell I was going to do for dinner.

...to be continued



On the Oregon Trail

Although I flew in and out of Portland a few months back, I hadn't been overnight in Oregon (job-related or otherwise) until now. We landed in Redmond, a small town in central Oregon, a little after noon. I had the rest of the afternoon to explore. It seems there are a lot of natural features in the area, but most of the exciting ones are not easily accessible to someone staying at an airport hotel. I found some caves about a mile and a half away and decided to check them out. There are about four different caves, and I chanced across the first one after about a 30 min walk in the 90 degree heat.

This was the view of the cave opening, which by itself was not terribly inviting. As you can see, it is a rather small space. Out by myself, I wasn't terribly enticed to venture inside since I figured I would find either a homeless camp, teenagers making out, or bigfoot. As I continued down the trail beyond the cave, I ran across two ladies that looked fairly familiar and then realized they were the flight attendants from our flight. Everyone looks different in normal people clothes. They said they had gone into the cave and wanted to do it again.

Weighing in at probably 120 lbs apiece, they were not exactly imposing figures, but somehow this strength in numbers reassured me if we might end up in a brawl with hobos or horny teenagers. It was very dark inside. Fortunately they each had their cabin flashlights, whereas all I had was an iPhone which didn't do much. At some points the ceiling was quite low, and eventually I did graze my head, but appear to have survived the skirmish. The cave was about 100m long and eventually had an opening on the other end, where we emerged back into the hot sun. Then we all met up later with the captain for an early dinner at a dive bar offering Taco Tuesday specials. I had four tacos and a beer for $11. Not too shabby. The clientele of the establishment was almost entirely over the age of 60. The old folks like a good deal.

After dinner I walked around the neighborhood for a bit and along a nearby creek. It paralleled a golf course for a bit before abruptly ending at a residential road.

 All in all, it doesn't seem like a bad place. The airport looked recently renovated and clean, people seem friendly, and there's good scenery in the area. On reserve, I really have no say as to where I go and when, but I wouldn't mind getting sent to Redmond again.