Living on the Edge in Fresnakistan

 They say you don't realize how much you use your phone until you can't use it. That's an understatement. Ever since I departed Sri Lanka on Dec 21st, my phone has turned into a brick. My American SIM card was no longer readable. After going to Verizon on the 23rd, they tried two new SIM cards to no avail. That same day I went to Apple, who gave me a "new" phone. After a few hours of having said device, it dropped the network. Periodically I could get it back, but it would disappear without warning. Oh, and the camera and flashlight didn't work either. But no time to fix all that, I had to go to work. Once in Palm Springs, I found an Apple Store relatively close, but it was Christmas. Closed. Then we were in Oregon. No Apple store. Finally a long day in Fresno. An Apple Store was about 6 miles away in the Fashion Fair Mall. With the earliest appointment being Dec 31, I made it a point to arrive at rope drop.

A line had already formed. I put my name in and was told to come back in an hour. "We'll text you!" said the enthusiastic employee. "I have no way of receiving it," I deadpanned. You see, there are so many things we depend on our smartphones for. How did I get to the mall in the first place? Since I had tried numerous hard resets of my phone, it was in an unusable state. No Uber app. Not even Lyft! I ended up using my laptop to request one, watching the screen to see where the car was, then running downstairs when it was getting close. The store was packed an hour later, unlike this sterile image from the internet.

The store was filled with lots of older folks who didn't know how to use specific programs and the poor employees would be like, "Well . . . you don't have it downloaded, so you'll need to do that first . . ." As the geniuses helped numerous people log into their email or other menial tasks, I explained my numerous issues. "Wow," she said. "Those are three completely unrelated issues." She didn't waste time troubleshooting. She came back with a new phone, but the battery was dead since it was a poor iphone 5 which had probably been sitting there for years feeling neglected.

 As we found a plug and slowly activated the phone and performed all the required updates, it coughed to life. She wanted me to wait and make sure everything synced up properly. Camera, photos, apps, network...everything seemed to be in order. With 30% charge, I set off into this crazy new world where my phone actually worked. I used my maps to locate the Chick-Fil-A. After lunch, I set about getting a ride home.


Unfortunately, I had left the Apple store power source prior to all of my apps installing, so they had been chugging away all through Chick-Fil-A. I did not yet have the Uber app installed completely, and it looked like it would be a while. The free mall wifi wasn't going to cut it. I went to the mobile website which promptly froze on a loading screen despite my numerous efforts to refresh. I watched as the battery continue to work its way down. I felt like Nicole, who is perpetually on 12% charge. I was in danger of being stranded at a mall in Fresno! 10%, 9%. Warnings flashed on the screen as I scrambled to force the download. I walked toward the Apple store for a better wifi connection. 8%. I saw Lyft had finished installing. Good enough. Ride requested. 3 minutes out. I watched the car drive toward me on the screen, then away from me... I walked to intercept him. I saw him turn the corner. I ran to cross the street in front of his car. I waved, and pointed to myself. He drove by again. 6% battery. Eventually he stopped his car to get out and ask someone for directions. I caught up and flagged him down for the third time. Car smelled like an armpit. Technology is wonderful, but even it can't fix Lyft.

The 2nd highest rated thing in Fresno is . . .

I found myself in another situation where I had to check out of the hotel, but had to kill time until my report time of 4:15. I went on tripadvisor and looked up the sights and headed on my way to the #2 highest rated thing to do in Fresno. I drove up to Woodward Park, where I found numerous walkers, joggers, and cyclists.  I was a little bit let down by the park. They appear to be renovating the area, so much of it was being dug up and not the most aesthetically pleasing thing to see. Nevertheless, it gave me a chance to just walk around and relax while strolling the trails.

Many of the walkers took their workout very seriously. At one point, I was slowly gaining on an older gentleman, so I positioned myself to pass him. As soon as he heard me coming, he went into full powerwalk mode and started pulling away at a rapid pace. However, after his breakaway, he appeared to have pulled a hamstring and slowed once again (as portrayed in the picture at left). As I gained ground once again, he did an about face and started walking the other direction rather than admit defeat. I hope I didn't damage his self-esteem too much.

The other day, I learned that I had transported the Secretary of Agriculture from Denver to Fresno. Yes, a government cabinet member flew on a CRJ. In fact, he had to gate check his bag too. I speculated that his job was to come to California's central valley to confirm that there is in fact a drought. "Ah yes, I see the drought," he must have exclaimed upon. "Now, where's my bag?"

The drought is felt in LA when looking at the surrounding hills that have turned a dusty shade of brown. However, the real devastation of the drought was very clear to me just by walking around Woodward park. Everything just looks kind of dead. Bridges crossed over waterless creeks. All in all, the park was kind of meh. I spent the remainder of the afternoon by getting a haircut, grabbing a sandwich, buying pants at Target, and walking around old town Clovis, the neighboring town. Perhaps the most interesting thing I did in Fresno today wasn't in Fresno at all.

I didn't venture into any of the stores as I wasn't really in the market for an old wagon wheel or antique sewing machine. I then drove out in the country for a little bit, passing vineyards, almond groves, and other agricultural fields. This was enjoyable, but since I was driving, there are no pictures.

After walking back to Fresno airport, I deadheaded (rode in the back of the plane with the normal people) to San Francisco, where I am now killing another four hours (albeit paid) for an extremely short flight from SFO to Santa Maria, an airport I have been to numerous times as a flight instructor. Tonight could prove to be a little different than puttering along in a Cessna.

There's not much to do in Fresno

My report time in Fresno is 4:15 pm and of course one has to check out of the hotel before then, so it was a bit of a challenge trying to figure out what to do. I consulted tripadvisor, which said the #1 attraction in Fresno is the zoo. Alright, I'll try it out.

You would be impressed...if you'd never been to any other zoo before in your life. I knew it wasn't a good sign when there were signs directing me to various attractions and all I saw was an empty field. Now, there were some things of interest. There was an anteater and an elephant at one point. Orangutans too. The problem, however, was in the presentation of it all. Lots of fences and unnatural looking habitats made for marginal photo taking. The tiger's natural habitat is the tropical forest, stated an exhibit caption. Ah, that explains the desert backdrop and rocks. 

The highlight of this zoo was a sea lion exhibit. "Do you know the difference between a seal and a sea lion?," it said on the sign. After reading the "differences," I haven't the faintest idea. I spent some time just sitting near a viewing window observing the sea lions swim laps. Also near the sea lion exhibit were some pelicans. A curious creature, the pelican. His beak can hold twice as his belly can. Enough food for a week, he can stuff in his beak, and I don't know how the hell he can! Thank you. I'll be here until 4:15.

It had been maybe an hour, and I had seen everything at the zoo, so I struggled the rest of the day trying to find something to do. I went to a nearly deserted shopping mall and then a Chipotle. I also received a call this morning asking me to report back to Fresno next week. Hmmm. I already hit the top attraction. What will I do next time? And would you believe it...NO stores have any Fresno Tacos merchandise. Unacceptable.