The O-Town Sniffle

Other than my four day trip last month without a functional iphone, I have not had a normal overnight. The most sleep I've received on any given work night has been between 4-5 hours. Sound dangerous? Sound like this should not be allowed by the FAA's rest requirements? Indeed. There's a loophole in the regulations that treat my time in the hotel not as "rest," but as duty period. Therefore, I am paid to be in a hotel bed for four hours, but this comes at a cost. Needless to say, my sleep patterns are a bit screwy, since I sleep for a few hours, fly a plane, nap for a couple hours if I can, and do it all over again that evening.

These flights are called "standups," and I bid for them last month because people say I'm a standup guy. ;) I have done them many times before, but have found that I never did more than two in a row. This month, my schedule was all standups, all the time. This is not desirable unless you have the sleep routine of a raccoon or some other nocturnal animal. At one point in the month, I had five of them on my schedule in a row. zzZZZZZzzzzz       While I am technically given the proper amount of "rest" between duty periods, it comes in the middle of the day when it is sometimes hard to force myself to sleep even when tired.

And this begins to take a toll. I had to make the first fatigued call of my career -- indicating that I did not feel fit for duty based entirely on my demanding schedule. Then I caught a cold. My usually robust immune system had been reduced to the strength of 1 ply toilet paper. While these standups often yielded some nice sunrises or moonsets as you see from these pictures, it also added a lot of stress. My first deicing of the season, flow delays into LAX, occupied gates, diversions due to bad weather. These are things that you don't want to happen when your rest time is limited. And eventually, my body surrendered.

My cold started off fairly tame. Just a little bit of congestion. But as all colds do, it went full force when I had to sit on a 4.5 hour flight across the country...in the jumpseat of a 737. I was relieved when the two pilots chose to take a lavatory break because it gave me an opportunity to stock up on more kleenex. I was dripping like crazy. To my knowledge I have not given my cold to anyone else, including Nicole.

Once in Florida, the warmer air helped it a little bit. I was experiencing very unseasonably cold temperatures in LA along with rain and storms. I could see my own breath one morning while doing the walk-around. This type of thing is unheard of. And despite having a cold, I traipsed into DisneyWorld. By now, I was on the mend.

At Epcot, we stopped briefly in Japan to look at all the HelloKitty merchandise and reflect on how the Japanese food at Epcot bares zero resemblance to the food Nicole and I ate in Japan. We did the usual boat ride around Mexico and noted that the Donald has been made into a piñata -- no doubt a result of recent political tensions.

After Epcot, we walked over to Hollywood Studios. After all, my parents insist on getting me the annual pass every year, so I need to get my money's worth. We watched a few Star Wars events - including one with everyone's favorites walking around in front of various screen projections. Later on there was a laser/fireworks show that was essentially a montage/homage to all the films that was projected onto the Chinese theater.

We did a few rides as well. We went on Toy Story Mania twice, with my score being reported as the "High Score of the Hour." It was 7:01. A minute later, I no longer had the high score, but better to have it for a minute than not at all. We also went on Star Tours. It was a very Star Wars kind of day. Perhaps Disney is going all in on Star Wars and they need to bring it back a bit. As I was finally recovering from my cold, I looked at my schedule with dread -- five days in a row to such hot spots as Reno and Eugene. Then came the prospect of being in the jumpseat again. Miraculously, I got a seat in back for some much needed rest before wondering when I'd have a normal night's rest again.

Nicole Visits the Rat

With my transfer to LAX, I acquired American Airlines benefits and it proved to be the most convenient option going to Orlando after an uneventful day of reserve. The cost for this privilege was about $3.00 for both Nicole and myself. Not a bad price to fly across the country. Poor Nicole was seated behind a 450 lb man from New Zealand who had a fear of small spaces (Possible cure: losing weight?) He was unapologetic each time his weight forced the seat to recline into Nicole (without pushing the recline button mind you). As we disembarked, we observed that his seat was covered in snacks and spilt water. I felt bad for the flight attendants and cleaners.
As is customary with all my visits to Central Florida, I set off to visit the dentist. What made this visit especially exciting was that I didn't have to pay anything thanks to my insurance actually doing its job. Outside the dentist's office, the weather was notoriously humid and muggy, but that didn't stop Nicole and I from playing outside.

There is a small zipline at a nearby park that we proceeded to ride repeatedly. The simple act of riding the zipline was causing us to sweat profusely. Also I hurt my goolies after a poorly timed mount, so we returned to air-conditioned comfort. We also paid a visit to the resident rat over at DisneyWorld. We strolled around Port Orleans Resort, which Nicole and I observed was strikingly different from the real thing. Nobody seemed concerned about the car being stolen after we parked it. Nor did it smell like urine or the sweat and tears of middle-aged drunkards. Disney can romanticize anything.

We also went to Epcot. We went on a few rides in the now dated "futuristic" part of the park. Despite having been to Japan just a few weeks prior and then visiting Little Tokyo in downtown LA, we could not be stopped with our quest for all things Japanese. We made a beeline to the Japanese pavilion at the world showcase for lunch. The food was markedly different. I know this for sure because Nicole ate all of it. We continued walking around the countries, but it had started raining and while it wasn't a downpour, it was constant enough to be annoying, so we called it a day.

The following day, Nicole continued her jet setting ways by getting on a flight to New Jersey to see her family while I returned to LAX to go back to work for a four day trip up and down the west coast.

Subtle Changes in O-Town

Stemming from a most unfortunate schedule which essentially begins this week and won't end until at least the end of April, I had only two days off on my reserve schedule. It was too short an amount of time to try and make it back to LA, since Nicole was going to be in New Jersey anyway, so I hopped on over to Florida to see the folks. The crowd outlook was not good. For whatever reason, the Disney parks were projecting large crowds throughout the brief duration of my stay. As a result, we ended up going to Epcot where waiting in line was not a real requirement to exploring the countries at least.

Also going on at Epcot was a transformation of various open areas into character-themed topiaries. They were all quite elaborate, but again, this is Disney. Throughout the countries, they also had hidden "easter eggs," which I successfully tracked down with some help from the folks, who had naturally done all of this before. All things considered, the crowds weren't horrendous. It was relatively easy to walk around without being trapped behind a Brazilian school group and a column of rascals. After our brief trek around the world at Epcot, we visited some of the Disney resort hotels like the Polynesian and the Floridian.

The latter had elaborately designed chocolate eggs decorated as either scenes or characters from Disney films. My favorite was of course BB-8 as you see here. I wonder how they actually taste since they are made from chocolate. I imagine they are only "edible" in about the same way that kindergarten paste is safe for consumption. Nevertheless, a very impressive display of artistry in the medium of chocolate. Believe it or not, the real Disney fun had not yet begun!




The main area for shopping all things Disney used to be called Downtown Disney, but has lately gone through a few renovations and renamed itself Disney Springs which somehow equates to massive crowds. It was ten times worse than anything we saw inside the actual theme parks. Why were they here? What were they doing? These are questions I could not find an answer to. I could merely hypothesize that the skewed ratio of New Jersey license plates in the parking garage had something to do with it. After all, if people are frustrating me and being loud, there's a 50/50 shot that New Jersey is to blame. I won't be returning to "Disney Springs" anytime soon.

No Cavities

I found myself once again in the Sunshine state, but not as a result of actually flying the plane myself. No, that distinction goes to exotic places like Bemidji, Minnesota. In Florida, I was ensuring that I could make it to a dentist appointment that had been scheduled many months earlier. Some say this is crazy to be going to the dentist across the country, but why? Do you know how hard it is to find a good dentist? I went to a dentist in LA once and over the course of five minutes, I received conflicting information about a so-called "trouble tooth." At one point, the trouble tooth somehow switched sides of my mouth. I vowed never to return. It would be silly to go all the way to Florida just for the dentist, so I made good use of my time by paying another visit to the local rat.


In my latest tradition of sampling ethnic food in unusual places, I sampled Florida Chinese food. As a matter of fact, this was located between a place serving German food and another serving Norwegian cuisine. Yes, I was at Epcot again. And while I was there, we decided to go into the big ball. While waiting in line, a girl of high-school age tapped me on the shoulder and yelled, "Happy Birthday, Brian!!!" I was so taken aback by this that for a moment I thought maybe it was my birthday and wasn't sure how to respond. Her friends then said, "Gaaah, not that guy. Someone else. Gaaaaawd." They then returned to texting. Those familiar with the ride will remember that a picture is taken at the beginning of the ride and becomes part of an animated short at its completion. I posed accordingly, but my mom believed that this was my default face. Hmmm. What must my passengers think...

We didn't spend too much time at Epcot. I don't fancy the crowds or lines, or really anything that one normally associates with theme parks. That being said, we walked from one theme park to the next because I wanted to check out Star Tours at Hollywood Studios. I wasn't aware that they had changed the ride slightly to reflect the upcoming release of episode VII. It was pretty solid. I saw BB-8, our craft struck Jar Jar Binks, and we flew around with the Millennium Falcon. It was a good day for this nerd. We also looked at overpriced Star Wars merchandise and called it a day.

After leaving the parks, I attempted to organize some things from my youth that are now in boxes in a storage room. This led to me building a Lego space shuttle. Funny how these things happen. I think I was able to build it quicker when I was 11. That launch tower took a considerable amount of time, and I want to be recognized for it. So feast your eyes on my masterpiece below and tell all your friends about how impressed you are.

Sass Poses in O-Town

Working under the assumption that there is no way I'll be able to get off for any of the upcoming holidays this winter, I went south to Florida to visit my family. This would continue my ongoing efforts to befriend my niece, who would previously avoid me like she avoids broccoli.








It took some difficulty in convincing my niece that she was in fact, in Florida. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Orlando. We'll be taxiing for a few more moments. Please keep your seat belt fastened." "Orlando?! I want to go to Florida!!!!!" Being early November, I had (incorrectly) assumed that DisneyWorld would not be crowded. I was attacked on all flanks. Stroller strike from the left! Rascal bumping from the right! Rogue children running straight at my knees! The worst. But, this day was not about my struggles against the masses. This was about my niece in the happiest place on earth. This did not come without cost.

Since I last saw her, she has changed a bit. She will now speak to me directly without hiding. She has also become inordinately sassy. I do not know where it all came from, but her level of sassiness must have reached a boiling point somewhere at Epcot Center at the world of cokes exhibit. Anyone who has been to this section of the park is probably familiar with the "Beverly," an Italian carbonated aperitif known for its distinctly bitter flavor. My brother-in-law provided my niece with this beverage which quickly induced an expression of both disgust and betrayal. She was momentarily subdued.

The following day we headed to Universal Studios -- my first trip since the age of nine. It had changed a lot. Back to the Future was no more, and a Simpsons Land had taken its place. And making a resurgence was the sass pose. No beverly was on hand to keep this sassiness in check. If these kind of antics remain unchecked, who knows where these sass poses will end. I leave you with exhibit A: