Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Living on the Edge in Fresnakistan

 They say you don't realize how much you use your phone until you can't use it. That's an understatement. Ever since I departed Sri Lanka on Dec 21st, my phone has turned into a brick. My American SIM card was no longer readable. After going to Verizon on the 23rd, they tried two new SIM cards to no avail. That same day I went to Apple, who gave me a "new" phone. After a few hours of having said device, it dropped the network. Periodically I could get it back, but it would disappear without warning. Oh, and the camera and flashlight didn't work either. But no time to fix all that, I had to go to work. Once in Palm Springs, I found an Apple Store relatively close, but it was Christmas. Closed. Then we were in Oregon. No Apple store. Finally a long day in Fresno. An Apple Store was about 6 miles away in the Fashion Fair Mall. With the earliest appointment being Dec 31, I made it a point to arrive at rope drop.

A line had already formed. I put my name in and was told to come back in an hour. "We'll text you!" said the enthusiastic employee. "I have no way of receiving it," I deadpanned. You see, there are so many things we depend on our smartphones for. How did I get to the mall in the first place? Since I had tried numerous hard resets of my phone, it was in an unusable state. No Uber app. Not even Lyft! I ended up using my laptop to request one, watching the screen to see where the car was, then running downstairs when it was getting close. The store was packed an hour later, unlike this sterile image from the internet.

The store was filled with lots of older folks who didn't know how to use specific programs and the poor employees would be like, "Well . . . you don't have it downloaded, so you'll need to do that first . . ." As the geniuses helped numerous people log into their email or other menial tasks, I explained my numerous issues. "Wow," she said. "Those are three completely unrelated issues." She didn't waste time troubleshooting. She came back with a new phone, but the battery was dead since it was a poor iphone 5 which had probably been sitting there for years feeling neglected.

 As we found a plug and slowly activated the phone and performed all the required updates, it coughed to life. She wanted me to wait and make sure everything synced up properly. Camera, photos, apps, network...everything seemed to be in order. With 30% charge, I set off into this crazy new world where my phone actually worked. I used my maps to locate the Chick-Fil-A. After lunch, I set about getting a ride home.


Unfortunately, I had left the Apple store power source prior to all of my apps installing, so they had been chugging away all through Chick-Fil-A. I did not yet have the Uber app installed completely, and it looked like it would be a while. The free mall wifi wasn't going to cut it. I went to the mobile website which promptly froze on a loading screen despite my numerous efforts to refresh. I watched as the battery continue to work its way down. I felt like Nicole, who is perpetually on 12% charge. I was in danger of being stranded at a mall in Fresno! 10%, 9%. Warnings flashed on the screen as I scrambled to force the download. I walked toward the Apple store for a better wifi connection. 8%. I saw Lyft had finished installing. Good enough. Ride requested. 3 minutes out. I watched the car drive toward me on the screen, then away from me... I walked to intercept him. I saw him turn the corner. I ran to cross the street in front of his car. I waved, and pointed to myself. He drove by again. 6% battery. Eventually he stopped his car to get out and ask someone for directions. I caught up and flagged him down for the third time. Car smelled like an armpit. Technology is wonderful, but even it can't fix Lyft.